


Seven Days

by saucyminx



Series: The House Rules [9]
Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-23
Updated: 2011-06-23
Packaged: 2017-10-28 12:48:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucyminx/pseuds/saucyminx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A novel length story of a struggling country singer and the young man who tries to change his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**_Christian_** : Steve just got his foot shut in the van door. laughed so hard spit coffee down my shirt.

 ** _Chad_** : Nothing I can say to that is nice, thanks for the laugh tho :)

Chad was still chuckling softly as he unlocked the door and pulled it open, smiling at Jared there. “Hey, come on in.”

“What’s so funny?” Jared asked curiously, stepping into the apartment and kicking out of his shoes automatically. It had never been a rule that Christian made, more like one Chad brought with him.

Chad squeezed his phone between his fingers and shrugged. “Text from Christian, Steve being an idiot, nothing new. It’s a wonder that man even knows how to hold a guitar.”

“Wow, bitter much?” Jared snorted as he hung his scarf on the rack, rubbing his palms on his jeans and turning to Chad. “How you holding up? I honestly expected to find you curled up in bed, wearing Christian’s clothes and crying around a tub of ice cream.”

Another laugh left Chad’s lips and he shook his head. He wasn’t going to inform Jared that the shirt he was wearing _was_ Christian’s. “It’s been a week and I’ve managed only minimal tears, thank you very much.” He led the way into the kitchen, pulling out a pitcher of iced tea from the fridge. “So hey, Christian mentioned talking to you before he left.”

“Oh? Well yeah, we talked. I wasn’t sure if he was going to talk to you about that or not.” Jared shrugged, fidgeting nervously. “Did... you two have a talk about things?”

Chad sighed softly and poured them both a glass. “We did. He tried to break up with me and I didn’t let him.” Chad looked over at his friend, slight frown on his face. “You did discourage him from that, right?”

“Well, I told him that he’d break your heart. If he broke up with you I mean.” Jared took the glass Chad held out and rolled his lips together nervously. “You know, things between you two, it’s just rough. Right?”

“Christian’s just been dealing with a lot. Stress from the tour thing, and not drinking, and the press their rep puts on him.” Chad leaned against the counter, looking down at the ground. It wasn’t like he and Jared hadn’t spoken about _all_ of this. Things were complicated, sure, but after the tour Chad was pretty sure they’d get better. “He just wants what’s best for me and sometimes he gets confused on how to say that. But I know he loves me, and he knows I love him, that’s what’s important.”

 ** _Christian_** : I stole one of your t-shirts but it don't smell like u now. :( - that's a sad face. I <3 you. get it?

“Chad?” Jared said, likely not for the first time, and Chad looked up.

“What? Sorry, text.” There was a smile on Chad’s face that he couldn’t help and he shrugged. “Just a second.”

 ** _Chad_** : You’re a dork but I <3 you too.

Looking back up again, Chad grinned and carried his phone and glass to the couch, gesturing for Jared to join him. “What were you saying?”

“I was just asking how Christian’s doing on the tour. You know, with the not drinking thing.” Jared looked uncomfortable with the question, which was probably because Chad was pretty well known for being extremely defensive when it came to his boyfriend.

“He’s okay. I mean, he’s probably drinking some.” Chad sighed and ran his finger along the outside of the phone, looking over at Jared. “He gets really nervous, before going on stage you know? So the alcohol, it calms him down. I can’t really give him crap for that. Performing here where the faces are the same and I’m there is one thing, but being out there in front of all these strangers, in a city where the only people he knows are his band members? He needs the help.”

“You know that doesn’t help him,” Jared said quietly, fingers rubbing at the condensation forming on his glass. “Making excuses. I’m pretty sure that’s like, the first rule when it comes to alcoholics. You can’t excuse their drinking.”

“Oh okay, so are you going to figure out how I can take almost two months off my new job and convince Christian to let me come on tour with them?” Chad shot Jared a look, his brows raising questioningly. Yes he was starting to prickle at the conversation, but Chad wasn’t going to take any crap for doing all he could do to help his boyfriend. “Look, same drill as always Jared. I appreciate the concern but I’ve got this covered.”

 ** _Christian_** : have I told you I'm gay? just thought you outta kno. on account of yer my bf. my ass hurts. I'm bored.

Chad snorted and shook his head, fingers running over the keys of his phone. He glanced up at Jared and smiled. “My boyfriend is being a dork and it’s adorable.”

 ** _Chad_** : you’re gay? why didn’t I know this? why the heck does your ass hurt? it best be from sitting.

“You want me to go?” Jared asked quietly, catching Chad’s eyes when he looked up. “I can.”

“No, no of course not. Just, he doesn’t get to text or call all that often, so, you know.” Chad shrugged and kept his phone close. He didn’t want to hurt Jared’s feelings but the man had to already know where his priorities stood. “Don’t be mad.”

“I’m not.” Jared smiled and shook his head. “You’re okay though right?”

“Are you really here because Christian instructed you to look in on me?” Chad teased, stopping when Jared looked down and flushed. Chad might have stopped dating Jared years ago but there were some things he’d never forget and one of those was Jared’s _guilty_ look. “Fuck, that’s it isn’t it? Christian ordered you to look in on me!”

“Well, I mean, not really. It was, you know, it was just...” Jared sighed and shoved a hand up through his hair. “I’m just trying to be a good friend!”

“Oh bull shit,” Chad huffed and laughed. The idea was kind of adorable, if not a little annoying. At least Christian had covered the basics but Chad was fairly certain he’d gotten in loads of _shit_ for going to Steve and basically asking for the same thing.

 ** _Christian_** : I like the way it feels to fuck you. So hot and tight and perfect and... jesus. I miss you. Gonna go... uh shower. no gonna jerk off and think of you and it will suck

Chad’s eyes widened, heat spreading across his cheeks as desire shot burning hot through him. Talk about bad timing for _that_ kind of text. “Well,” he coughed, clearing his throat and looking away.

“Gross. He just sent you a naughty text huh?” Jared scoffed and shook his head. “Clearly you don’t need to be checked up on.”

 ** _Chad_** : Fuckin tease. Can’t even tell you how much I miss you. Next time you call M’gonna finger myself, even if you’re in the van

“He’s being a tease,” Chad muttered and shifted uncomfortably in place. He couldn’t help grinning though. He missed Christian horribly but it was okay, he could handle it. And if he had a calendar on the wall marking off the days? Well, he couldn’t help it.

“I can’t believe you’re having Jared babysit me,” Chad said through a smile, rolling over in their bed. He didn’t really care that Christian had woken him - he pretty much sucked at time changes - and he’d been holding his phone waiting for the call anyway. That was kind of the worst thing, the _waiting_.

"I'm gonna kick his ass. He promised not to tell you." Christian leaned on the railing of his hotel balcony and looked out over the ocean. "I just wanted to make sure you had someone comin' to see you. You do that turtle thing when you're sad."

Chad snorted, proving Christian’s point literally by burrowing under the blankets, curling up on Christian’s side even if it was starting to lose his scent. “I dragged it out of him. Or well, called him on it and he sucks at keeping a secret. I... it was nice of you, for thinking of me.” Chad sighed softly and closed his eyes. “Where are you?”

"Washington. I can see the ocean and all it reminds me of is you." Christian sighed and rubbed at his chest. "You remember the cabin? Can we go there again when I get back?" Closing his eyes Christian sucked in the fresh ocean air.

“Yeah, definitely. My PTO will have kicked in by then, I’ll take a Thursday through Monday off and we’ll make a long weekend of it.” Chad smiled for a moment then inhaled deeply and nearly shuddered at the whiff of Christian’s smell. “The bed’s losing your smell. I hate that.”

Christian smiled and opened his eyes again so he could look back out over the beach. "Your t-shirt too. Still toss it on my pillow at night though." Christian could feel his cheeks heat up and suddenly wasn't sure why he'd told Chad about the shirt. "Stupid right?"

“Not really. Stupid that the scent’s gone but otherwise no. I wear your clothes all the time.” Chad smiled once more and shifted on the bed. “In fact, I’m wearing your boxers right now,” he murmured, letting his fingers slid across the elastic on Christian’s boxers.

"That's it?" Christian turned and yanked his balcony door open so he could head back inside. "Did I wake you up again?" Christian flopped down on the bed and kicked his boots off. He had no idea what time it was but someone would make sure he was ready later.

“Yeah, that’s okay though, was waiting for you to call.” Chad tried to breathe as quietly as he could, listening to Christian through the line. “Was gonna sleep naked but I like wearing your clothes too much. And well, not so fun being naked by myself.”

“I really miss you.” Christian rolled onto his side and nestled down into the pillow. “Most of all in the morning when I wake up. I got so used t’you bein’ there, all warm and sweet. Sometimes, I tell you secrets while you’re still asleep.” Christian closed his eyes and tried to imagine Chad there in his arms.

Chad’s heart clenched tightly and he squeezed his eyes shut, laying his hand flat on his chest. “What secrets? Tell me one now.” He was missing Christian so badly it hurt, but he forced his way through it, he had to.

Christian's brow furrowed and he shifted the phone slightly. "The morning I was leavin' I told you how scared I was that you'd be gone when I came back home." Saying the words out loud was kind of strange; it almost gave the feeling of _fear_ more weight than it had ever had before.

The air caught in Chad’s lungs and he shook his head. “No way, not happening. I’m gonna be here, and you’re gonna make it up to me. Your extended absence you know.” Chad laughed humorlessly and rubbed at his eyes. “Can I ask how things are going?” Chad was pretty sure Christian would get what he meant, what _things_ he was talking about.

"S'okay. Hard. I shoved Steve into a wall last night 'cause he kept offering me a beer like it was some big joke." Christian snorted. "He won't do it again, got a bruise shaped like Michigan on his back." When Chad was silent, Christian continued. "I've had a few beers, but I leave. I come back to my room early before everyone else. Always get my own room too - don't wanna get caught up in the partying and shit."

“That’s good,” Chad said quietly, surprisingly pleased that his boyfriend had done so well so far. He couldn’t even imagine the struggle it must be. “I’m really proud of you Christian. I know it has to be tough, but just that, I mean, that it’s only been a few beers. That’s really good.” Chad smiled, hoping Christian would hear it in his voice.

"It's hard without you," Christian said softly. "Sometimes I think I was crazy to leave you there but ... I mean I know it's good, right? You still like your job?" Honestly, Christian tried not to think too much about the people Chad was meeting at his new job.

Chad wet his lips, pulling the blanket down so he could stare up at the ceiling. “It’s okay,” he said softly and scratched at his head, pressing his phone hard into his face. “I’m not sure... well, whatever. It’s okay. I know you don’t want me on tour with you, just gotta make it through I guess.”

"Tell me about work. You meetin' cool people? You seen the snitch a lot - Jared. I bet they're wedding planning you to death." Christian chuckled softly.

Wetting his lips, Chad shook his head then remembered he needed to speak a loud. “Work is alright, haven’t met anyone new. But people are friendly enough. And I did see Jared today, we talked a bit about the wedding before he had to dash off. He’s pretty busy with things.” Chad just wouldn’t mention how, outside work and a trip to the grocery store, Chad hadn’t left the apartment.

"So what you been doing then?" Christian frowned and rolled onto his back. There were five cracks in the ceiling that kind of made the shape of a dragon. It was strange. "You stayin' home all the time?"

“I went grocery shopping,” Chad offered, scratching absently along his chest. “I even took your truck, you know, so she’d get driven and stuff. And I go to work like usual, stayed a little late last night finishing up a report.”

"Promise me you'll go out for coffee with the bride and groom this week. Okay? Do something fun. Get one of those frou frou drinks you like with all the whipped cream and the cherry in it. Promise." Christian knew his boyfriend and he _knew_ that Chad was entirely too happy curled up at home.

“There’s nothing wrong with being at home Christian,” Chad insisted softly and shifted up until he was sitting, pulling his legs to his chest. “I go out for work. I eat. I’ve been catching up on some books I wanted to read.”

"Just that one thing. Promise me, Chad. Please. It's - maybe you don't care about going out but it makes me feel better. Jared and Jensen and are your friends. Please?" Christian tried not to sound as worried as he was.

Sighing, Chad slid his arm around his legs and nodded. “Fine, okay. I’ll go out and do something. You know before we started dating I never did anything either and I was just fine.” It wasn’t that Chad was opposed to going out, he just found it harder not to think wistfully about his boyfriend when around other people. “I promise I will, okay?”

"Okay." Christian smiled. "I got my way," he teased.

“Yeah, you did,” Chad murmured softly. He felt far too small in their bed without Christian and his heart pinched painfully. “You on the road again tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Early. My turn to sleep in the van. Have I told you how much I hate the travelin’ part? I thought I might get to see stuff but I’m usually so fuckin’ tired I fall asleep. Only one of us can sleep in the back ‘cause there’s not enough room....” Christian wondered why he was talking about something so pointless. “Tell me you love me.”

Sinking back on the bed under the covers Chad inhaled slowly, listening to Christian’s breath on the line. “I love you Christian,” he whispered, hands sliding down his body. “Tell me you still want me.”

Christian's lashes fluttered closed and his hand curled into a fist on the quilt. "I want you every fuckin' minute of every fuckin' day. I have these dreams about you - us - together and I can't even breathe when I wake up. Tell me you miss the way I touch you."

Breath catching once more, Chad bit his lip, closing his eyes and imagining Christian there touching him. “God, so much Christian. I imagine it’s you all the time, touching me. I’d give anything to have your hands on me. Tell me what you’d do if I were there.”

"Like you don't know." Christian smiled. "I'd be kissing you, everywhere, down the back of your neck and across your shoulder. Love the way you press back against me, makes me a little crazy. Like the way your chest feels under my hand, I know each muscle and line... the scar by your rib from your bike accident. And I'll pull you back against me, 'cause the curve of your ass fits perfect against me and... _god_... tell me..." Christian slid the button free on his jeans and blew out a relieved breath when his fingers curled round his cock.

Chad soaked in the dizzying rush of heat Christian’s words stirred up in him, fingers palming over his cock, rolling the fabric down against the hardened shaft. “Love when you do that, grind up against me. Especially if I’m sitting on your lap. Could sit with my back to your chest and just roll up against you, probably could get myself off like that, just grinding against your cock.” Chad moaned into the phone, his hand finally slipping beneath his boxers to wrap around his cock. “God Christian, wanna feel the heat of your cock against me.”

"Jesus," Christian whispered. His fingers slid over his hard flesh and he moaned low into the phone, nearly dropping it. "I love fucking you, the way my cock fits just perfect inside you. And - _fuck_ \- when you beg me, when you tell me you want me to fuck you I can feel it inside like I'm on fire." Groaning, Christian's fingers twisted and slid across his flesh. "Make yourself come, wanna - wanna hear that sound."

“Shit, Christian, I-” Chad choked on the words, moaning low in his throat and writhing on the bed. He propped the phone between his ear and shoulder and slid his other hand down, moving up the underside of the boxers and rubbing against his entrance. He was moaning almost constantly, body shifting and arching up into his fist, down onto his fingers. “I-I’m fingering myself. Not as good as you but I can pretend. _God_ I want you to fuck me, want you just to slam me up against the wall and _take_ me.”

Christian breath was like small gasps as he tried to hear every sweet sound coming across the phone. Shivers of pleasure skittered down his skin as Chad's words washed over him. "You love it when I'm in control. When I throw you around, bite you, grab you so hard I leave my hand prints on your skin. And _Jesus_ , I think about fuckin' you so much I feel like I'm goin' crazy. Next time," Christian gasped as his hand moved faster, "soon, I'll just grab you and - uh..." His orgasm surprised him, knocking the breath out of his lungs in a long moan.

Chad would know the sound of Christian coming anywhere. He nearly stopped breathing as he listened, fingers shoving hard up into his body, his hand stroked hard and swift along his skin. When he closed his eyes he could perfectly picture the flush on Christian’s face, the way his hair curled with sweat. And he could almost imagine heat filling him. But it was Christian’s soft mutter of his name that ended up tipping Chad over the edge. He came with a cry, spine arching as he stroked himself through his release.

For a few moments he might have literally blacked out until he once more heard the soft murmur of his name and he reluctantly pulled his hands free, wiping them both on the sheets then grabbing his phone and pressing it to his ear. “God,” he whispered through a half chuckle, eyes falling shut. “Didn’t realize I had a phone sex kink.”

Christian just lay there, laughed softly and then groaned as he rolled slightly. "I didn't realize I could come that fast. Kinda - well, I've been thinkin' 'bout you a lot." Christian turned his face into the pillow and smiled.

“Mm, I know, I got your text,” Chad’s voice was deep, caught somewhere between sleep laced and orgasm blown. “Meant what I said, fingering myself while on the phone with you when you’re in the van. Gonna see if you can keep it together.”

"You will be the _death_ of me, Chad." Christian grinned and wiped his hand on the towel he'd used after his shower. Closing his eyes again he reached behind him and flipped the quilt over his body. “Want your voice to be the last thing I hear before I fall asleep,” he murmured.

“Okay, I’ll tell you about the project we’re doing, it’ll bore you to sleep,” Chad murmured through a chuckle, rolling on his side and curling his fingers into the blanket. “Then I promise to hang up when you’re asleep, so the bill doesn’t suck. You all comfy?”

“I love you,” Christian whispered as he nestled down into the bed. “You make me happy.”

Chad’s heart skipped a beat and he grinned into the pillow for a long beat. “Me too Christian, so very happy and so very in love with you. Now let me tell you about the research we’re doing on a series of stalagmites.” Chad paused, laughing when Christian pretended to snore very loudly on the line. “Hardy har, listen up, you might actually learn something from me.”

“Learn things from you all the time,” Christian said. His lips were still curled into a slight smile and he felt better than he had in days. It wasn’t perfect, but having Chad’s voice in his ear was better than anything else he’d heard in a very long time.

It had been three days. Chad told himself he wasn’t going to freak but he was. Three days with no word from Christian and Chad _knew_ they were busy but this seemed like too much. Christian had been gone about three and half weeks and Chad hated nearly every moment of it. Sure the phone sex was hot but it didn’t compare to having the heat of his lover, and Chad was kind of losing his mind.

For the maybe tenth time, Chad lifted his phone and hit the first speed dial. He didn’t understand why Christian wasn’t answering, or calling him back, or at _least_ sending a text to say he was okay. Chad held his breath when the line caught, praying it was finally Christian answering and not his voice mail once more.

Christian looked at the screen on his phone and then back up at Steve. “Gotta take this.”

Steve shrugged and walked back over to the stage. “Sound check in ten.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Christian combed his fingers through his hair and tapped the screen on his phone. “Hey.”

Christian’s real voice - not the digital recording of his voicemail - filled the line and Chad sucked in a breath, schooling back the urge to _yell_ at the man. “Hi,” he said quietly instead, biting his lip to keep from saying more.

“How you doin’?” Christian stepped out of the way of one of the stage hands then sighed. “Watch out for my guitar!” He swore softly and stepped back into an alcove behind the curtain. “Chad, sorry - how are you?”

“Fine.” Chad leaned back against the counter, eyes sliding over to the cottage cheese sitting on the counter. He’d been meaning to eat that earlier, than he got distracted going online and stalking Christian’s facebook. There were lots of posts about upcoming gigs and fans gushing over how _awesome_ the band was. Chad was choosing to pretend that it wasn’t Christian going online, cause if he had time for that he’d certainly have called Christian sooner.

“Guess what happened today? Autographs. Can you believe it? This crowd of people was waiting for us when we got to the Hotel. Was crazy. Listen, sorry... I mean, I missed a couple of your calls I know. Kept meaning to call and then I’d fall asleep or... well, I’m sorry.” Christian rubbed at his eyes and sank back against the wall. _Sleep_ wasn’t exactly the word for it.

“It’s okay,” Chad said quietly and walked over to the food, pulling open the lid and sniffing. He flinched at the smell and shook his head, turning to toss the container into the trash. “Autographs are cool, it must have been a thrill.” Chad wondered if Christian realized how many _days_ it had been since they last talked.

"Kinda scared me actually. I stood there like an idiot and Steve did most of the talkin'. Not so good at things like that. What you been doin'? Did you go out this... is it .. what the hell day is it?" Christian's head was still aching from the night before and he was already running over the set list in his mind.

Frowning, Chad rubbed at his neck and blew out a low breath. “Michael and I had dinner last night, at that sushi place you keep refusing to go to.” In truth Chad had only agreed to go because he didn’t want another evening of calling Christian over and over without getting an answer or call in return.

“Yeah? Michael - he’s from. Wow - did you have a good time?” Christian was surprised at the nip of jealousy he felt in his chest and shook his head. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been _telling_ Chad to go out.

“Not particularly no,” Chad muttered, struggling with the attempt to shake off the hurt he was still reeling from. He was pretty sure Michael would never invite him out again, he’d been horrible company. “So, anything else new?”

"Not really, just gettin' through this. Crowd was real huge last night. Kind of rattled me a little but I did okay. I ... I miss you." Christian's eyes got a little blurry and he let his head thump back against the wall. He could already hear Steve calling for him and pulled the stage curtain across in front of him.

“I miss you too,” Chad whispered, reaching up to pull off his glasses. He could hear the background noise, knew Christian had to get off the phone soon. Chad could nearly break down at that. “It’s been three days since I heard from you Christian,” Chad finally said, his voice coming out mostly flat as he fought against the ache in his chest.

"Three days,' Christian said softly. "I'm sorry, I get... I get caught up in things and I'm tired. So fuckin' tired, Chad." Christian dragged a hand down his face and kept his eyes closed. "Last night was. It was a bad night, a few nights. But I'm okay now. Steve tore me a new one this mornin' before coffee. It was pretty awful." Turning into the musty smelling curtain, Christian stuffed his free hand in his pocket and tried to imagine Chad's face.

“What happened? Did you do something?” Chad forced himself over to the couch, slowly sinking down. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know this.

"Everything's okay, Chad. I promise. It was just a rough patch. It's just hard without you, away from home, so busy all the time. And shit, I'm in a different bar every night." Christian groaned when the curtain flipped back in front of him and Steve was standing there. He lowered the phone and spoke softly. "I'll be there in a few minutes, Steve."

Steve nodded and headed back to the stage and Christian raised the phone again. "I gotta go soon, Chad. Can I call you tonight after the show?"

“I’ll-” Chad cut off, the words dying on his tongue. Some part of him so desperately wanted to be bitter, to let Christian know how upset he was, to say _I’ll be asleep_. But Chad was a sucker for Christian, and he needed to talk to the man. “Yeah, okay. Christian? Will you tell me what happened?”

"I just, I got a bit drunk. Nothing else... it's - Steve made me go back to the room eventually but I wouldn't listen to him. Fucked up, but I'm gonna be okay now. Please pick up later? It'll be late, I know, but I need to hear your voice." Christian's knuckles were white on the curtain.

Something tight clenched in Chad’s chest and he let out a sound that came far too close to something painful. He wanted every detail, wanted to know _how_ Christian fucked up, but it wasn’t like he could call Steve. The man hated him. “Okay,” he forced himself to whisper, rubbing hard at his eyes. “I’ll pick up.”

“Okay,” Christian said softly. “Okay. I’ll. I gotta go. I love you, Chad.”

“I love you too,” Chad exhaled the words, pushing his hand up through his hair. If he tried to say anything more he’d just end up crying or something so he pulled the phone back and hung up. It was pretty much the worst thing he’d ever experienced, not being there to help Christian, and hating himself for it.

Christian fumbled around in the dark for a few minutes before managing to find the light switch and then began the hunt for his phone. It was in his jacket pocket and he swore softly when he bumped his knee on the small coffee table by the bed.

Pulling up their home number he called Chad and sat down to tug off his boots while the phone was ringing.

The ringing had Chad waking almost instantly. He fumbled around for a moment before snatching the phone, rubbing at his eyes as he flicked it on and pressed it to his ear. “Lo?” he muttered, coughing and clearing his throat.

“Chad. It’s me, were you sleepin’?” Christian flopped back on the bed and sighed.

Chad shouldn’t be that surprised, no one else would call him so late, but after not hearing from his boyfriend the night before after he’d _promised_ to call, Chad hadn’t held high hopes. He glanced over at the clock then sighed. “Yeah, Christian, it’s usually what I do at one in the morning.”

“I can let you go. M’sorry. You go back to sleep.” Christian reached down to rub at his knee where he’d banged into the table.

“Wait, no. Don’t go. Who knows when I’ll hear from you again.” Chad was maybe a little bitter but being sick with worry would do that to a person.

“What’s that mean?” Christian struggled to sit up and managed to slip out of his vest without dropping the phone. He was sweaty, tired and sore.

“It means I was up until midnight last night waiting for you to call me back and you didn’t. And you didn’t today. And you haven’t for three days before that. So...” Chad trailed off, shifting until he was sitting, arm wrapping around his knees. He was wearing one of Christian’s worn shirts that felt soft and silky on his skin, and the man’s boxers. He didn’t feel much better.

"I'm sorry," Christian said quietly. "I lose track of time, Chad. And I'm so fuckin' tired when I get off stage. I can't even keep up with everyone. They're all still downstairs meetin' people and partying. Me? I'm up here trying to remember my way around in the dark hotel room and runnin' into shit 'cause they're all so different. I meant to call..." He didn't really have much of an excuse. He'd had a couple of beers and hadn't felt like lying to Chad - _couldn't_ lie to Chad - so he'd just gone to bed without calling.

“It’s fine. I know this is your job, I... I shouldn’t put pressure on you.” Chad frowned, turning away from the phone so he could sniff without Christian hearing it and feeling more guilty. _Chad_ felt guilty, like it was his fault Christian wasn’t letting lose and having a good time with the tour and partying. “Are you having any fun at all?” he asked quietly, squeezing his eyes shut.

“I dunno, a little I guess. Met some cool people and get to talk about my music a lot. People seem to like my songs. Don’t much like all the publicity stuff. Taken so many damn photos all I can see at night is flashes.” Christian pulled his t-shirt off quickly and lay down on the bed. “How are you? You pissed at me?”

“Just lonely,” Chad breathed, arm tightening around his legs. He couldn’t read Christian’s tone, couldn’t figure out what he was feeling. Chad was pretty sure once upon a time he was able to do that and it was scary to think it could happen so easily, the falling apart thing. “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. Are you?”

"I think so. I dunno. Steve says ... well, you don't wanna hear 'bout him. I'm okay. Gettin' near the halfway mark... that's good right?" Christian wasn't doing so very much okay. He knew it, Steve had even pointed it out to him but saying it made it a little _too_ real.

“What does Steve say?” Chad asked. He might not care much about the man but he knew Steve cared for Christian. “You sound, different. Worn out or...” Chad didn’t say more. He couldn’t even think about Christian being drunk, or how often it might be happening, it made him sick.

"Steve says I'm over-doing it. He thinks we should take a couple days off or something, he said I should get you to come down...but...I'm fine. I'm just really tired. What I need to do is get my ass back to my room right after the damn shows instead of hanging around." Christian laughed softly and nearly dropped the phone as he dragged himself up the bed to the overstuffed pillows. “I miss our bed,” he muttered.

“I could come out there. I could take a day off, fly out for the weekend. Where will you guys be this weekend? I could meet you.” The idea sounded more than pleasing to Chad and he was already shifting toward the edge of the bed, tempted to dart to his laptop and find the cheapest flight.

"Chad, it's okay, I'd hardly have any time anyway. Would just hurt," Christian added softly.

“You don’t want to see me?” Chad asked quietly, unable to stop feeling the slight sting of rejection. Whether Christian had time or not, Chad didn’t care. He’d sit at rehearsals, at the concert, even if they just slept in the evenings. Just to _see_ and _touch_ Christian would help.

"Don't say that," Christian snapped. "I wanna see you so fuckin' bad it hurts but, Jesus, I can't - I just - I'm halfway done and I can't manage anything else, you know? I'd be worried about what you were doin', if you were bored or tired or ... whatever and you don’t like all the _straight_ shit." Christian's voice softened slightly as he spoke but he felt the twinge of guilt for sounding angry.

“Okay,” Chad whispered, slowly sinking back onto the bed. The sting of rejection was a thousand times stronger but he swallowed it down. Christian never did believe that Chad was capable of handling _his_ kind of life. “Sorry,” he added, snatching Christian’s pillow and pulling it close to his chest.

"Chad, God, don't - please don't be upset. I can hear it, I can fuckin' feel it. Don't you ever feel like you'll just fall apart if someone ya love is there? You know? Like I see you - and I don't have to hold it together anymore and ... it'll just fall apart. D'ya ever feel like that?" Christian's arm wrapped around the pillows and pulled them into his chest in a big pile.

“No, Christian, I don’t. I feel like I’ll fall apart if days continue to pass and I don’t hear from you. And the idea of seeing you, even if just for a days, sounds like the best thing in the entire world. I’m miserable and lonely and I _miss_ you and I’m _scared_. Because you’re drinking, probably more than I know. You might even be drunk now and I can’t do anything to help you except be there but you won’t let me.” The words tumbled in a rush through Chad and he squeezed his eyes shut, burying his face in the pillow and inhaling. It didn’t smell like Christian anymore.

Christian was silent for a few moments, his eyes wide as he stared at yet another unfamiliar wall. "I said I was sorry," he muttered. "I don't want you here to see me like this, Chad." It hurt to admit it, but that was really what it was about. There was nothing Christian hated more than seeming weak and like he, somehow, wasn't in control of things.

“Okay,” Chad whispered, instantly giving in. It wasn’t like he could fight the issue. Sure he could go on facebook and find out where they were next but Christian wouldn’t be pleasantly surprised to see him and Chad couldn’t risk the man sending him away. “Are you drunk right now?” he asked quietly, wondering at what point in his life everything started hurting so bad.

Christian closed his eyes. "I had a few beers. Steve told me to go to bed."

Something sank in Chad but he kept his voice flat, unaffected. “Where you drunk last night? Is that why you didn’t call?” Chad was fumbling with everything, he wasn’t even sure where he stood anymore.

"Yeah, I was." Christian felt the familiar clenching in his stomach and rolled over to lie on his back again. "I'm sorry."

Tears welled in Chad’s eyes and he blinked them silently away, staring at the place Christian usually occupied in bed. He couldn’t force himself to say _it’s okay_ because it wasn’t, not even close. And it had been a long time since Chad came second to alcohol in Christian’s life. Hell, in the long line of things, Chad wasn’t even sure he ranked second at the moment. Maybe fourth or fifth. “Where are you off to tomorrow?” he barely managed to whisper the words, his voice tight.

“Don’t know,” Christian said. His voice felt tight and stretched too thin. “I just get up, shower and get in the van. Don’t drive anymore.” Stifling a yawn he tried to get the quilt over him. “You still love me?”

The pillow beneath Chad’s head was wet, Chad’s tears far too strong to be normal. Every part of him ached, for Christian, for their relationship, for the way it felt like everything was falling apart. And the real kicker? He did. He loved Christian with every part of him. “I do love you, Christian,” Chad whispered and he was fairly certain the emotion was clear in his voice, Christian would know he was the lame emotional guy like always, crying himself to sleep like he had nearly every night since Christian left.

"You believe I'm sorry? I'm gonna get better. I swear. It's all gone be okay. This is just - it's just a speed bump. Or somethin'." Christian wished he could believe that himself. "I miss you," he said again.

“I know.” Chad did know, at least that Christian meant it. Whether it would actually happen was beyond him. “I broke a beaker at work today, sliced my finger.” Chad wished he didn’t sound as hollow as he did.

"You okay?" Christian sighed and shifted the phone a little. "Did you bandage it up right? You never do that right. Clean it first?"

“Yeah, had to go to Urgent Care. Only, because of the stuff in the beaker. Could be toxic you know.” Chad wasn’t really sure why he was telling Christian all this. Maybe he just wanted to talk about something that didn’t hurt so much for a while. “Mike said I scared the beaker into falling because I kept glaring at it.”

Christian laughed softly. “Why were ya glaring? Did it upset you? Did Mike take you?”

“I wasn’t glaring, I was tired. Yeah, Mike drove me and waited with me. He’s dating this Doctor, Misha. But I guess he’s a Doctor for kids or something. I don’t know, he wouldn’t shut up about him.” Chad’s lips twitched in a slight smile.

“You ever tell him about me?” Christian had to admit he was a little relieved to hear that this _Michael_ was seeing someone.

“Yeah. I play your CD in the lab when we’re working, he likes it, asked for a copy. He said he wants to go to your show, next time you’re local. Said he wants your autograph.” Chad laughed at that, rubbing along his eyes. “He’s a big music geek, you’d like him.”

"Nice," Christian said softly. "You tell him other stuff? About me?" Yeah, he worried. He just wasn't sure whether he was more worried about Chad keeping things to himself or telling other people.

Chad hummed softly and rolled onto his back, throwing his forearm over his eyes. “I do. I tell him how much I miss you, how when I’m with you I feel like the center of the universe. I tell him how you make me laugh, or how you’ll play the guitar on the couch and I’ll sit at your feet and read and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Tell him how I love you so much I can see us getting married, buying a house, getting some pets.” Chad’s laugh was weak and he shrugged even if Christian couldn’t see him. “General sappy stuff.”

He’d also told Mike today about Christian’s lack of phone calls, how he felt like he wasn’t nearly as important to Christian as he once was, and how selfish that made him feel. But he didn’t tell Mike about the drinking, because he respected Christian too much for that.

“You can tell him that shit stuff too. I know you need to talk about it. Tell Jared, he’ll try and take a round out of me the next time he sees me.” Christian tried to make it sound light-hearted but he knew he wasn’t really pulling it off.

“I don’t want to,” Chad said quietly, used to Christian beating himself up over these things. “They’re personal issues you know? It’s your thing, what you’re dealing with. I’m going to support you and help you as I can, and I’m not going to go around bad mouthing you and making people pity me ‘cause of the crap.”

“Pity you?” Christian closed his eyes and sighed. “Well, you can. It’s your decision. I should probably let you go back to sleep.”

“Oh.” Chad pursed his lips. Frankly, he’d rather keep talking to Christian. But the man was _drunk_ and Chad couldn’t ignore that, no matter how normal Christian might sound on the phone. “Okay,” he whispered, heart tightening once more like a fist.

“I’ll call you soon, and I’ll text, okay?” Christian was _so_ freaking tired.

“Right,” Chad breathed, wishing it was easier to believe that. “Well, have a good night.”

"Love you _so_ much," Christian whispered.

Wetting his lips slowly, Chad clenched his eyes shut tightly. “Love you too Christian. Don’t- don’t forget about me.” It hurt to say but it was out of Chad’s lips before he could help it.

“Never could,” Christian said. He ended the call before he had to think anymore about how much he was messing up Chad’s life.

Chad listened to silence for a long time, the tears once more sliding down his cheeks. So much of him was tempted to just roll out of bed, find a flight to wherever Christian was going to be next, and _go_. But he simply set his phone down and rolled to his side, curling against a pillow that only smelt like himself now.

**_Christian_** : I have a headache. And my gut hurts and I want to come home. Do I still have a home?

 ** _Chad_** : this will always be your home. wish I could kiss you to make the pain go away.

 ** _Christian_** : Im just an idiot. steve says I got everything and I’m throwin it away. that true?

 ** _Chad_** : not true, still here. since when does Steve think I’m everything?

 ** _Christian_** : you member when we met and you told me you wanted a relationship...

 ** _Chad_** : course, pushed and pushed until I got one. then fought to make it stick. why?

 ** _Christian_** : this what you wanted?

 ** _Chad_** : wanted you, that’s all that mattered. all that will.

 ** _Christian_** : gotta go. at hotel. leaving for vegas early.

 ** _Chad_** : ok. Love you. call me soon?

 ** _Christian_** : will try tonight. love u.

The ringing of the phone had Chad straightening up, his boxers half on. He’d just barely gotten out of the shower and his phone was in the other room. But usually Christian didn’t call so early. Or well, ten thirty at night wasn’t early but _earlier_ still for his boyfriend and the crazy tour life.

Chad hurried out of the room, half hopping, then rolling still naked and dripping across the mattress until he could snatch up the ringing device. Christian’s name was flashing across the ID and Chad smiled, pressing it quickly to his ear. “You should have seen the ninja dive I just did for the phone,” he said by way of a greeting.

"Chad?" Christian cleared his throat and felt around on the night stand for his glass. "Is that you?"

Frowning, Chad stopped his squirming and sat up. “Yeah? Who else would it be? Who were you trying to call?” Christian sounded, different. Chad didn’t want to think about why that might be.

"You, you sound far away. Whatcha doin'?" Christian pulled the phone away from his ear to check that he had, in fact, dialed the right number.

“Christian? Are you okay?” Chad rubbed a hand up through his damp hair, sliding up to his feet and tugging up his boxers.

“Yeah, m’fine. Was just thinkin’ about you. Do you miss me? I miss you so fuckin’ much. I was tellin’ this guy about you tonight. Derek. This guy that met me, or Steve, I dunno where he came from but he asked if I was single and I was tellin’ him all about you.” Christian coughed and reached over for the pack of cigarettes on the nightstand.

A sharp pinch of jealousy pressed at Chad’s chest but he shook it away. Of course Christian was going to meet people, guys, it was bound to happen. Christian was freaking gorgeous, he was going to attract people. “I miss you too. Hope you weren’t flirting with him.” Chad tried to sound teasing, it didn’t come across so much.

When he finally found the lighter Christian flicked it open on his jeans and then lit a cigarette. Blowing out the smoke he took a sip of whisky and settled back against the headboard. “I don’t flirt, you know that,” he said. His voice was sandpaper rough from all the singing, and maybe from everything else they’d been putting themselves through.

“You do flirt, all the time, it’s habit.” Chad frowned slightly at the sounds he heard, fingers hesitating on Christian’s shirt he’d been reaching for. “Are you smoking?” He knew when his boyfriend smoked, which was when he was drinking. _Awesome_.

“Yup. Not a big deal, just stole some offa Steve. Felt like a smoke. I don’t flirt. Ever. I flirt with you, I mean, that’s all. You’re it, I mean.” Christian took a long drag on the cigarette and fumbled around for the ashtray.

It was pretty obvious that Christian was drunk - very drunk - and Chad’s stomach churned unpleasantly. “I don’t like the way you taste when you smoke,” he said quietly, as close as he would get to lecturing.

"I'm pretty sure it will wear off before I kiss you," Christian said quickly. But, he butted out the cigarette anyway, waving the smoke away like, somehow, Chad could still smell it. He took another sip of whisky and let out a small sigh. "So we're gettin' close to bein' done."

“You are,” Chad murmured, dropping down onto the mattress. Over the last month and a half Chad had come to really know Christian’s voice well across the line. So listening to him drink? Chad could almost tell it was alcohol, just by the way the man’s words rasped a little more after the fact. “What’s the first thing you’ll do when you get home?” he asked instead of calling Christian on it.

"Take you to bed," Christian said low and soft. "I've been thinkin' about you all night. When I was talkin' to that guy - I was thinkin' about you. When he touched me, I was always comparing it to you, you know?"

“He touched you?” Chad asked, though he meant to lose himself in the idea of Christian taking him to bed. _God_ he couldn’t wait for that.

"Just like talkin', don't get your panties in a twist." Christian laughed and threw back the rest of his drink. "Don't you wanna talk more about me touchin' you? It's - Oh fuck, I almost forgot - they extended the Vegas thing 'cause of all the good press we're gettin'. Karen worked some deal with - I dunno - how-whoever and we're there for a week. Might actually know how the hell to find my room after the fuckin' show."

Chad’s mouth parted, lips silently repeating _don’t get your panties in a twist._ “Good,” he said flatly and dropped the phone long enough to tug his shirt on before snatching it again and heading out of the room. “I’m sure you’ll have a blast there. You guys get some days off?” Chad thought the last place Christian needed to spend any extra time at.

"Yeah, couple days I think. Tuesday and Wednesday or something. Havin' a party Monday night. You doin' okay? Did I ask you that?" There was a loud thumping on Christian's door and he lowered the phone for a few moments to call out, "It's open. Hey Steve."

Shifting up on the bed a little higher Christian gestured to the whisky bottle and rolled his eyes when Steve frowned.

"Who you talkin' to?" Steve sat on the edge of the bed.

"Chad." At least, Christian was trying. "Sorry, Chad. Steve just came in. What were you doin' when I called?"

“I just got out of the shower.” Chad was even more flat than it had been before. He wanted to tell Steve to go away, because with every passing day he talked to his boyfriend less and less. In fact, before this phone call, it had been nearly half a week. “You don’t have to go do you?”

Steve threw a light punch at Christian. "Did you ask him?"

"Fuck off, Steve." Christian turned away and dropped his feet back to the floor. "Listen, Chad. I better go. Steve and I gotta talk about some stuff."

"Ask him," Steve prodded.

Covering the phone Christian glared at Steve. "Back the fuck off."

When Steve held his hands up in surrender and stood, Christian lifted the phone to speak again. "Chad?"

“Ask me what?” Chad asked quietly, staring at the glass of wine he’d poured himself while listening to Steve and Christian fight. He’d tried this, getting drunk not to feel so horrible. It had only led to him calling Michael at one in the morning and reducing the man to coming over and sleeping holding Chad to keep him from losing his shit. Chad hadn’t mentioned that to Christian though. “Christian? What’s going on?”

"Nothin'. He's just being an asshole. So - can I call you tomorrow or something? You sleepin’ okay? Alone?" Christian rubbed his eyes and let his head fall down slightly.

“Oh yeah, I’m just peachy Christian, taking a leaf out of your book,” Chad muttered then tipped the glass back, draining the contents. He shuddered and made some weird sort of _blech_ noise. Downing wine wasn’t the most pleasant thing. “I’m sure I’ll hear from you in a week or something.” Chad was maybe, just a little, bitter.

“You drinkin’?” Christian’s eyes widened and Steve looked over at him. “What else you been doin’?” Christian’s voice was firm and cold. This really wasn’t what he needed to be hearing.

“Christian,” Steve whispered.

“Nothing Christian. I sit around here and do nothing. I go to work. I get weekly visits from the babysitter and listen to him talk about how retardedly _happy_ he is and pretend like I’m not praying to a God that I don’t even believe in that you’ll at least think to text me. Then I drink myself to the point I’m nearly sick and make my co-worker come over and save my ass.” Chad exhaled heavily, slamming his fist down on the counter top and hissing. “Forget it. I’m fine. I’ll talk to you later.”

"Your co-worker? What's that about?" Christian sat up and when he glanced over at Steve the man simply shook his head and headed out of the room. " _Michael_?”

“Yes, Michael. Mike. He had to save my ass because I was an idiot. I was upset and lonely and so _tired_. So I drank too much and was shaking and I couldn’t stop crying. He came over and help - he just. I just needed someone to hold my hair back and tell me we’d be okay,” Chad gasped in a breath, rubbing hard at his eyes. “It was nothing Christian, and I know you don’t want to deal with this shit right now. Just finish your tour, come home, I need you here.”

"You called him to come over? What - did he spend the night with you?" Heat burst to life in Christian’s chest and he pushed up off the night table sending the lamp rocking back and forth. Pacing over to the window he tried hard to keep his voice steady. "He spend the night with you?"

Chad bit his lip and pushed the wine bottle away. He wished he’d never said anything. But then, he wished a lot of things that seemingly weren’t coming true. “Yes,” he whispered finally, because there was no use lying to Christian. “But it was _nothing_. I told him to go but he stayed because he was worried I had alcohol poisoning. I drank _way_ too much. Christian, it was just sleeping, that’s all.”

“Great. Okay - well, I gotta go. Don’t drink too much again - although if you do? I guess you’ve got someone to call.” Christian’s lips were tight and he bit down hard enough on his bottom lip to draw blood.

A strangled sob left Chad’s mouth, catching him off guard. “Jesus Christ, Christian. Really? Fucking _really_? After all I’ve done for you? After all I would do? And you don’t even fucking care that I ache so bad I can’t sleep for more than a few hours at a time? Do you even fucking love me at _all_?”

"I can't believe you just asked me that," Christian said softly. "I've done nothin' but try and keep all this - all this from you. And then you have some guy, and you're drinking. _You_ are drinkin' and ... " Christian's voice broke and he headed over to the window to stare out at the lights of the city. "I can't do this. I can't."

“Great. Well it’s good to know when I’m the one who needs support that you just _can’t_. I’m not an idiot Christian, you’re not keeping anything from me. I would have been there in a heartbeat if you let me but you don’t even want that. So, whatever. Enjoy Vegas, have a grand ol’ party. I’ll just be here waiting for you when you finally feel like giving a damn.” Chad didn’t sound near as angry as he was trying to, his voice taught and catching on tears. “I love you Christian, thanks for extending your _trust_ to me when it comes to a guy madly in love with someone else.” Chad pulled the phone back and hung up before Christian could say anything more, because now he had to deal with feeling miserable _and_ guilty.

Christian spent a few moments listening tot he silence then threw the phone at the window. It crashed through the pane in a small circle and the glass tinkled as it hit the floor. He just stared at it.

Chad started awake, blinking rapidly to clear the sleep from his eyes. The blurry image of the clock said it was after two and he rolled, snatching his phone when it rang again. His heart skipped a beat, hope flaring up in him that maybe Christian was calling. Even if he was drunk, Chad desperately wanted to hear from him. He had stared at his phone for hours, hoping the man would call back, and when he didn’t Chad did.

There had been no answer.

But Chad didn’t recognize this number. Frowning, he flicked the phone on and brought it to his ear. “He-” Clearing his throat of sleep dryness, Chad tried again. “Hello?”

"Chad?" Steve cleared his throat and lowered his voice slightly. "Chad. I need to talk to you."

Frown deepening, Chad rubbed a hand up through his hair, trying to place the voice. After a minute his eyes widened. “Steve? Fuck, what’s wrong? Is Christian okay?” Chad was already moving, sliding out of bed. He’d fucking _drive_ to Vegas if he had to.

"Well," Steve laughed hollowly. "Not really. That's the thing. I think - I mean, I know you think I'm shit and all but I think he needs you. He got hurt -"

“Hurt? Fuck – just - Steve. Tell me what happened?” Chad hopped into a pair of jeans, eyes scanning the floor before he gave up looking for a new shirt and beelined for his laptop.

"Not bad, _fuck_ , this is goin' all wrong. He pitched his fuckin' phone through the window then was all freaked about not bein' able to call you. He was tryin' to get it and sliced his arm up a bit. Nothing permanent. But Chad... he hasn't been tellin' you the truth. Really. And you said - if I cared..." Steve sighed.

Chad stared down at his laptop as it loaded, blinking furiously until he remembered he needed his glasses. “Steve, I know it’s not the time for this but, I know you care and I don’t hate you so just, tell me the truth. Are things bad? Real bad? I know they’re worse than what he’s been saying but...” Chad shrugged, slipping his glasses on and heading quickly back to his laptop.

"He's drinkin' a lot, Chad. And he doesn't sleep right, and his arm... he won't really let me help him. Idiot doesn't even eat and I see him throwin' up before shows sometimes. We got a day of travelling and then we're in Vegas for seven days. Could you come? He needs you," Steve added softly.

“I’m already looking at flights. When do you guys get in? What hotel?” Chad would call into work for the rest of the freaking tour if he had to. Christian was his priority and he’d risk getting fired to make sure the man was okay.

"Riviera. I'll text you the room numbers when we're checked in tomorrow. How soon can you get here?" Steve's voice was muffled.

Chad stared at the screen as it loaded flights, trying to calculate what would work best. “There’s a flight at one, I’d be at the hotel by three at the latest. Do you think you guys will be there by then?” Chad was already clicking on the flight, ready to book, not bothering with a return flight.

"Yeah, m'gonna try and get Christian to just hang in the hotel. We don't play until Thursday so he's got a couple days to ... I don't even _know_ what he needs." Steve sighed. "Chad? Thanks."

“I -” Chad blew out a low breath and rubbed along the back of his neck. “No Steve, thank you. For calling me. If - if he says something about me tomorrow, will you just, will you tell him you’re sure I’m sorry? I swear the whole thing was harmless. I don’t want him to be angry with me.” _God_ , Chad really shouldn’t be the one apologizing here. He knew it and he still wanted to anyway.

"He's angry at himself, Chad. That's the problem. Not you - he's killin' himself and I don't know how to stop it anymore." Steve sighed again.

“I hope I can be enough,” Chad whispered, not all that bothered that he was showing Steve how weak and questioning he was.

“Me too, Chad.” Steve ended the call.


	2. Chapter 2

Chad had been wandering around the lobby for almost a half hour, annoyed that Steve wasn’t answering his phone. Then again, casinos weren’t exactly the quietest places. So it was probably a matter of luck that he spotted the blond walking down a row of slot machines. Chad instantly quickened his steps, calling out for the man who clearly couldn’t hear him.

Nearly running, Chad skidded to a halt just behind the man and grabbed his arm, half smile on his lips. “Hey, god, I’ve been calling, you get crappy service here?”

“Hey, was just down here trying to find some more bandages and stuff.” Steve pressed a plastic bag full of supplies against Chad’s chest. “You’re gonna need that. Anti nausea pills, some tranquilizers... stuff like that. Come on.” Steve headed toward the elevator. “How was your flight?”

“Fine,” Chad muttered, distracted as he stared down at the bag Steve had handed him. He hiked his duffel bag further up his shoulder and frowned. “Where the heck did you find tranquilizers?” Chad didn’t want to consider how bad off Christian had to be if _this_ was what he needed to help.

“It’s Vegas, we’re in a band - the hotel will give us anything we want.” Steve shrugged and stabbed a finger at the elevator button. “You good?”

“Yeah. Well, nervous,” Chad murmured, fingers tightening on the strap of his bag. “Do you think... will he be happy to see me?” Chad was terrified that Christian would turn him away, what would he do then?

“I’ve got no idea what’s goin’ on. Yeah, I think so?” Steve watched the numbers light up above the door.

That really wasn’t as reassuring as he’d hoped it would be. On the drive to the airport Jared had told him countless times that he was doing a good thing. But Jared didn’t know Christian near as well as Steve did. “Has he mentioned me today?” Chad leaned against the wall, swallowing down another upswing of nerves.

“Talks about you all the time. Mentions your name in his fuckin’ sleep. Yeah, Chad. Don’t worry. He hadn’t forgotten what you are to him. If anything? He knows it even more now.” Steve finally dropped his gaze when the door to the elevator opened and he held out his hand for Chad to get in.

Chad stepped slowly into the elevator, looking over at Steve with sad eyes. “Are you okay? I know this... it has to be hard.” Chad could remember very easily how things had fallen apart between them, the things he’d said. Steve had prided himself on being able to support and help Chrisitan.

Steve shrugged and rubbed his chin. "I'm fine. This... yeah. I'm fine. Me and him - we got this bond, you know? Don't know if it's always good. You and him - that's different. Who's this Michael he keeps talkin' about?"

Groaning, Chad rubbed at his eyes and shook his head. “He’s just a guy I work with. You know, Christian kept not calling and texting and I was upset. I thought, hey, he can drink to drown out his problems, so can I. Only I drank too much and got sick, I called Mike and he came over.” Chad bit down on his lip for a moment before forcing himself to continue. “He stayed over, made sure I didn’t die or something. Christian took it the wrong way, of course, even though he always keeps insisting I get out and do stuff.”

“He says...well, I figure you’ll talk. This is us.” Steve looked up when the bell rang for the tenth floor. Walking out he moved to the second door on the left and handed Chad the key card. “Best if you go in alone I guess. I changed the bandage this morning but he wouldn’t let me do it again. You need me I’m next door.” Steve gestured at a nearby door.

“Wait,” Chad called out, surprised that he didn’t want _Steve_ to go. “What does he say? Is this about him thinking he’s not good enough for me?” Chad smiled sadly at Steve.

“Chad, he _knows_ he’s not good enough for you. It’s not a question.” Steve slid his keycard into the next door and opened it. “G’on in. Sort that shit out.”

Chad stared at Steve’s closing door, his heart lurching. It wasn’t the first occasion someone had told him Christian wasn’t worth it, Chad kind of hated that. He slowly turned to the door, clutching his bag, the medicine, the key card, then forced himself forward.

The door beeped as he slid the key into place, turning the knob and slowly pushing the door open. The sight before him was enough to have his bag sliding off his arm and falling to the floor. “Oh, Christian,” Chad nearly gasped and headed across the room, dropping the medicine bag on the table with the key and sliding quickly on the bed. The man was curled up on himself and Chad could hear the distinct sound of sniffling. “Christian, baby, I’m here,” Chad murmured, hand sliding quickly over the man’s arm as he kicked his shoes off.

Christian was pretty sure he was having another one of the stupid dreams that always made him think Chad was there. He'd wake up and roll over to the sound of his boyfriend's voice and find nothing but an empty room. This time, he was awake though - he knew that because he hurt everywhere, his throat was sore, his head was pounding and someone was touching him. "Chad?"

He wiped at his face and blinked a few times. “What... how did you get here?” And then he felt just like he couldn’t breathe; like the windows had blown open on a plane and all the atmosphere was just _gone_. Struggling to sit up and failing he grabbed at Chad's shirt, hissed when a sharp pain short through his arm and tugged weakly.

“Shh, come on, don’t move much.” Chad winced as he looked down at Christian’s arm. The blood was starting to seep through the bandage and Chad hesitated a moment before he pushed quickly off the bed and grabbed the bag from table. In a flash he was back on the bed, sliding up to his boyfriend’s side. “Let me see that, I need to clean it up, put fresh bandages on, okay?” Chad was forcing back the tears and the shake of his hands, trying hard not to let Christian see how scared he was.

"No, s'fine. What are you doing here? What happened?" Christian rubbed at his face and looked puzzled when he felt the dampness of his own tears. "Where's Steve?" _Jesus_ , Chad was going to _hate_ him. He wrestled with the bed clothes, trying to get out from under them but Chad was sitting on the edge of the quilt. “I gotta shower.”

Chad clenched his jaw and grabbed Christian’s good arm, holding him in place. “Really? I spend a shit load of money to get here to you and you’re just going to run off? If you don’t want me to help you, fine, but could you at least pretend to be happy I’m here?” Chad didn’t mean to snap but his heart was aching and here Christian was, after so many weeks.

Christian flinched like Chad's words were a slap; that was pretty much what it felt like. "I - didn't mean that. I don't want you to see -" Christian's voice broke and he fell forward against Chad's body, arms moving weakly around his boyfriend's neck. "Don't hate me, please, just don't hate me," he whispered.

“God, Christian, you know I don’t hate you.” Chad pulled Christian further up his body, holding him close. His lips pressed to Christian’s hair, his heart picking up in his chest. “Jesus, baby, do you really think I’d do all this if I wasn’t still madly in love with you? I just want to make you feel better, just want to patch up your arm, hold you, make it _good_ for a while. Can I do that? Please?”

Christian nodded slowly, fingers tangling in Chad's hair. "I need you," he whispered when his lips found Chad's ear. Everything hurt so bad and Christian was pretty sure he was gonna wake up later and realize this had all been a dream. Still, he would take what comfort he could get. Burying his face in Chad's neck he breathed in the scent that was so familiar it made his heart flutter.

“I know. I need you too,” Chad whispered and slid his hands down Christian’s back, fingers pressing under his shirt so he could feel the heat of the man’s skin. It was almost surreal to be here, to be touching Christian again after what felt like a life time. He shifted back until he was laying, holding Christian against his chest. “Tell me what you need Christian, name it, anything.”

Christian just shook his head slowly and pressed closer. How could he put everything into words now when he'd failed so many other times? Chad was the one who talked, Christian just hid stuff away, burying it deeper and deeper. He dragged his lips across Chad's cheek as he sat back slightly and then leaned his forehead against Chad's temple. "Just need you. Feel sick," he murmured.

“Want something? Steve gave me some meds.” Chad glanced over at the bag of meds but didn’t make a move for them. So much of him just wanted to _take_ Christian and it was burning, flaring up in him, stronger than Chad had ever felt before.

All Christian could do was shake his head again. He didn't want to take anything else, his head was still spinning from the night before. "You gonna -" He sucked in a quick breath and closed his eyes. "Can you stay for a little while?" His fingers curled tight around Chad's wrist, the others bunching up the material of his boyfriend's shirt. "Just for a little while, I promise."

“Christian, I will be here as long as you allow me to,” Chad murmured, shifting so the heat of Christian’s hand would soak into his skin. “There is nowhere else more important to me than here. I kept dreaming about this, what it would be like, if I just randomly showed up. Man, all the things I thought I’d do to you.” Chad laughed shakily and nosed his way through Christian’s hair, greedily sucking in his scent.

A sob escaped Christian's lips before he was even realizing it and he could feel a tremble starting low in his body. As his palm slid up Chad's arm he pulled back slightly feeling the burn of fresh tears on his cheeks. "I deserved it. Michael and you - if that's what you need... just ..." He ran out of breath again and closed his eyes; they were aching and burning.

“Fuck, Christian, you gotta listen to me. You have to _believe_ me. There is no Michael and I. He helped me out when I screwed up, that’s it. He’s with someone, in love with someone. And I’m with _you_. Please, please believe me.” Chad placed his hands on either side of Christian’s head and pushed up, staring up into his face. “Please believe me.”

Christian couldn't speak; his throat was clenched tight. He nodded slowly and stared into Chad's eyes. They were crystal clear, bright blue and glistening and Christian remembered how many times they'd gazed back at him. Closing his eyes again he sighed and his fingers curled over Chad's arms. "I miss you," he whispered.

“I miss you too,” Chad whispered and slowly brought his hand up, pulling his glasses off. “Kiss me.” It seemed important somehow, that Christian would kiss him first. Chad just wanted to wrap himself up in the man, wanted to steal him away and take him back to a place where Chad could protect him, make him better.

Breath coming in short gasps, Christian leaned in and pressed his lips almost chastely to Chad's. Everything in his body and soul told him that he didn't deserve someone like Chad; he wasn't worth being loved and cared for let alone forgiven time and time again. His fingers curled tighter around Chad's wrists and he pressed forward, lips parting ever-so-slightly for a kiss about as full of tenderness and sorrow as Christian had ever felt.

Chad couldn’t help the soft moan that fell from him. He tilted up into the kiss, letting his hand slid back through Christian’s hair and holding him, keeping him their so their lips could move soft and slow together. When Christian’s tongue slid out and almost tentatively moved over his bottom lip Chad groaned and let his lips part wider, sliding his tongue to move out and meet the man’s. Christian’s taste was hidden beneath the hint of stale alcohol and sleep but Chad didn’t care, it was one of the best kisses he’d ever had.

Breaking back from the kiss, Christian shivered slightly and winced as he lowered his hands. "You're really here," he said softly.

“I really am,” Chad murmured, leaning up to capture Christian’s lips again. He couldn’t help it, he’d missed Christian _so_ bad. After a moment he pulled back, sucking back a sob as their noses brushed together. “Let me look at your arm.”

"It was an accident," Christian said. Holding out his arm stretched the cut and pain bit at him sharply; he didn't mind. It was something else to focus on. "Steve... there was a doctor and he said I didn't cut anything important. Tendons or anything."

“Okay,” Chad murmured, not letting Christian know he knew the story. But he didn’t ask details so Christian figured he’d been told what happened. He sat up and nearly dragged Christian into his lap, gently pulling out his arm and picking at the end of the bandage. “Let me clean it up?” Chad was pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to be bleeding like this.

"It's okay, Steve did it before." Christian tugged his arm back slightly and lifted his other hand to Chad's cheek. "I forgot how beautiful your face was," he said. There were times when he'd tried to close his eyes and picture Chad and it had gotten more and more difficult as the days had started to blur together.

Chad smiled briefly up at Christian then looked down. He was pretty sure his boyfriend had no idea how it hurt when the man refused to let him help in some way. He _wanted_ to help. “Do... do you still want to take a shower?” Chad was pretty sure he wasn’t doing any good being here.

"Yeah." Christian nodded again then his eyes snapped up to Chad's. "Don't go though, please? I won't be long..." Swallowing around the lump in his throat Christian's lashes fluttered closed and he winced at the effort it took to hold it together.

“I thought maybe I’d shower with you,” Chad murmured, sliding his hands up through Christian’s hair. “If you’ll let me?”

Christian's lips curved into a slight smile and he opened his eyes to find those blue ones staring back at him again. "I'd like that a lot."

“Good,” Chad whispered and brought Christian in for another soft, slow kiss before climbing off the bed. As they stood Christian’s lips parted but Chad laid his fingers over the man’s mouth and shook his head. “Let’s just enjoy this okay? Me and you, nothing else right now.”

There was a soft smile on Christian’s face as Chad dropped his fingers. Chad waited until Christian nodded then he took the man’s hand and led him across the room, into the bathroom. It was pretty standard as far as hotel bathrooms go but the shower was big enough and the pressure was strong.

Chad tugged his shirt off then turned to Christian, gently unbuttoning the long row of buttons and pushing the material off the man’s shoulders. Chad felt weirdly _whole_ with Christian’s eyes fixed on him, that center of the universe feeling coming back and easing the hollow ache he’d been dealing with for weeks.

Once he’d undressed them both - stopping only long enough to turn the shower on and get the water warm - Chad gently pulled the man into the tub. As the water splashed down on them Chad cupped Christian’s jaw on either side and drew him in for another deep kiss. The feel of Christian’s hands on his skin burned hotter than the shower and Chad shuddered, leaning into the man to deepen the kiss with the forward slide of his tongue.

He didn’t let Christian control how things went, instead turning the man and tipping his head back so the dark locks were covered with water. Chad wasn’t going to mention how Christian’s hair had felt like it needed to be washed. He grabbed the shampoo and lathered up his boyfriend’s hair, grinning at him as their bodies swayed together. Christian tried to squirm away when Chad started washing his body but Chad simply stepped forward and held him in place.

For a moment he thought about what it had been like _last_ time they showered together and he stepped back as heat flared through him. But this time Christian pressed back into him, humming softly as if he couldn’t help it.

Chad let Christian lather his hair with shampoo as well, biting back a moan when Christian’s fingers roamed over every inch of his skin. By the time they’d both rinsed off Chad was painfully hard, _aching_ for Christian, but he didn’t push it, didn’t want to force Christian into something he wasn’t ready for. Even if it was pretty obvious.

As they stepped out of the shower Chad grabbed a towel, scrunching his face up at the roughness of it and shrugged. He toweled off Christian’s body then ruffled through his hair, laughing softly before tucking the cloth around the man’s waist. He grabbed his own towel and made quick work of drying off his body, trying not to touch his cock in hopes it would go down.

“Are you hungry?” he asked Christian as he followed him out of the bedroom, stepping up behind him and wrapping arms around his chest. He pressed his lips to Christian’s shoulder. “I could go get us something, or we could order room service. Or, you know, talk Steve into going and getting us something.” Chad chuckled softly, keeping his hips back so he didn’t grind up against Christian’s ass.

Christian shook his head and leaned back into Chad's arms. "Get what you want, my stomach isn't so good."

Chad felt warm and steady, strong and Christian felt like he could fall asleep standing _right_ there. Rubbing at the damp bandage on his arm he blew out a breath. "You think maybe... I can call Steve to change this if you want."

“I want to change it,” Chad insisted and stepped back, turning Christian and pushing him gently down on the edge of the bed. Not caring that he was still naked - and turned on - Chad walked around to grab the bag of medicine supplies then crossed back, kneeling between Christian’s knees. “Let me know if it hurts,” Chad murmured, reaching out to gently pull the bandage free.

"Everything hurts," Christian said. He couldn't stop watching Chad's face and lifted his free hand to brush his fingers across the rosy glow of the man's cheek. "I got stitches," he said. For some reason, he couldn't think of things to tell Chad - things that mattered.

“Okay,” Chad murmured and swallowed the hiss that formed on his tongue when he finally exposed all of Christian’s arm. It sure didn’t _look_ very good. Chad hated that he was the reason Christian had been so upset to do this to himself. “So your phone is broken?” Chad asked quietly, using one of the bandages in the pack to dab at the already forming blood drops.

Nodding, Christian let his good arm drape over Chad's shoulder. "Steve got me a new one, it's in the drawer. I didn't know - I wasn't sure if I should call you. Well, I didn't want to call you. How are you here?"

Frowning, Christian winced and tried not to pull his arm back as it stung slightly. For the most part, it was just a dull ache that he'd grown used to.

“You didn’t want to call me?” Chad kept his eyes fixed down so Christian wouldn’t see how much that one statement _hurt_. He’d explain everything else once Christian told him something, anything, to make that sound not nearly as bad.

"You don't need this. You - you shouldn't see what a fuck up I am. And you sure shouldn't have to pick up the pieces." Christian dropped his gaze to the wound on his arm, surprised at how red and angry looking it was. "I should be takin' care of you. Steve said I should call you, been naggin’ me to. But -" Sighing, Christian shook his head. He was going to apologize again but the word _sorry_ was starting to seem a little bit too small.

“I wish people would stop telling me what it is I need,” Chad said quietly, leaning over to grab the antiseptic from the medical bag. “After all, I’ll be twenty four in a few days, I think I can decide for myself. And you? You’re exactly what I need, in whatever way that happens to be.” Chad sniffed but kept his eyes fixed on Christian’s arm as he spread the cream over each cut.

"I didn't mean it like that," Christian replied. "It's just... it's ..." He shrugged. "I'm sorry. If it matters? I’m glad you’re here." His voice wavered again and he looked off to the side, staring at the blank TV screen.

“Of course it matters. I want you to want me here,” Chad whispered and grabbed the clean bandages, gently laying them across Christian’s forearm. “Steve called me, just after two this morning, said you needed me. So I bought a ticket, called in to work, and here I am.” Chad shrugged and gave Christian a soft smile, thinking he might just have to do something nice to thank Steve.

“Steve did?” Christian couldn’t help the surprise that molded his features. “Huh.”

“Right? Totally shocked the shit out of me.” Chad laughed softly, shaking his head. “I swear when I realized it was him on the phone I nearly had a panic attack, thought something bad had happened to you.” Chad looked at the still showing cut and sighed. “Well, something _really_ bad.”

“This isn’t bad,” Christian answered quickly. He pressed at the edge of the bandage and wrinkled his nose. It only hurt a little, much less that it had the night before but then, he had a feeling Chad’s presence might have more to do with that. “I’m sorry, for what I said about Michael.”

“I forgive you,” Chad breathed and nodded. This was one thing he thought Christian had the right to apologize for, after all, the implicated knocked Chad. “Guess we’re both pretty bad about jealousy.” Chad smiled up at Christian and placed the last bandage on before he reached up and touched the man’s cheek. “I would absolutely never cheat on you Christian, no matter what.”

Christian’s head moved slowly up and down. After all, cheating, so far - had been more _his_ thing. “You must be tired,” he said.

“I slept a little after I booked the flight. But we can nap if you’d like to, I wouldn’t say no to laying in your arms.” The heat in Chad’s body had mostly cooled by now and Chad could ignore the rest. Even if his fingers had somehow made their ways to Christian’s thighs and gently began working up under the material of the towel.

Christian looked down at Chad's fingers then pressed his own hands over them. "I'm not... I'm not sure I can -" Christian curled his fingers around Chad's hands and closed his eyes against the flush of shame that crept up his neck.

“Oh.” Chad looked down at his hands then pulled them back, forcing a smile on his face. “That’s okay. Let’s just - I’m gonna get a brush.” Chad pushed up to his feet, heading over to his bag still by the door. He was confused, maybe a little hurt, but Christian obviously had some reason for not wanting _that_ kind of touch.

Tugging the bag up, he pulled out a pair of boxers and slipped into them before grabbing his brush and pushing it roughly through his hair. He headed back over to the bed and sat beside Christian, holding the brush out to him. “Want me to do it? Brush your hair I mean.”

For some reason, that one little gesture made Christian's eyes burn again. As he dropped his head forward he nodded and rubbed his hand over his face. He'd seen the look on Chad's face, the thinly disguised hurt. "It's not you," Christian whispered. "I just... I'm not feelin' so hot - and I can't..." He shrugged, the burn traveling up to his cheeks.

“It’s okay. It’s fine Christian, you don’t... it’s fine.” Chad pressed his lips to Christian’s shoulder for a minute before lifting the brush, sliding it through Christian’s hair. He was pretty sure Christian was trying to explain the entire thing but Chad hated the way Christian just continued to look so wrecked and he was trying desperately to spare him that as much as possible.

"How long can you stay?" Christian leaned forward slightly, reaching out to press his hand to the smooth plane of Chad's chest. "Work..."

“I said there was a family emergency, that I would call and check in.” Chad shifted until he was sitting behind Christian, gently brushing his hair. “I... thought I’d stay as long as you let me? You’re done after Vegas right?”

"Yeah, we just gotta drive back. Maybe. Can you stay for a show or two? Is that too long away from work? That was good - those times I could look out and see your face. Better." Christian let himself sink back against Chad's body and closed his eyes again. "Was good."

“I’ll stay until you’re done if you want. You, you can still drive back with the boys, or you could fly with me, whatever.” Chad wrapped his arms around Christian, laying his palms flat on the man’s chest. It was kind of awful, in the way that he desperately wanted to touch Christian with _more_. After all, it was one of the best ways he knew to comfort Christian.

Christian covered Chad's hands with his and turned his head towards his boyfriend's voice. "I'll be okay, just need to rest. Steve said we have a couple of days off. You and me, just you and me for a while, okay?" There was pretty much nothing that Christian could think of that would be better than having Chad in his arms for a while.

“Yeah just you and me,” Chad murmured, pressing his lips to Christian’s hair. “You know, I _want_ to do all these things Christian. Stay here till the tour is over, hell I’d even drive back with you guys if you let me. And every time I offer you shoot me down, it hurts. Because I _want_ to help.”

"I'm not trying to hurt you - I don't mean to." Christian's heart clenched a little in his chest and his fingers threaded through Chad's. "Just didn't want you to be messed up by all of this. Look at me, Chad. This is what you're involved with; I can't take care of myself, I'm a - I'm a _drunk_ , Chad. I grew up with this and I became it. It was _never_ what I wanted you to see."

“But I’m your boyfriend, and I love you more than anything else in the world, I _want_ to be here for all of this. God Christian, I really hope one of these days you believe when I say I love and accept every part of you. Okay, you’re in a bad place, things have gone off kilter, but you were better before right? We can get you back there, whatever it takes.” Chad turned his head away, glad Christian couldn’t see his tears. He let his cheek rest on Christian’s hair and blew out a low breath. “I’m not going to fall apart seeing the bad stuff Christian, I can handle this. I can be here for you.”

"Okay," Christian said softly. He wasn't even sure anymore what he was fighting against; Chad already knew how far off track things had gotten. And here he was, right there where he'd always said he would be if Christian needed him. There was just a part of Christian that would never truly believe he was _worth_ that kind of love.

Sighing softly, Chad closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of his boyfriend. The warmth of his body, the familiar smell, all those things that Chad had always gained comfort from. Sometimes he felt so weak, like he couldn’t possibly hold them both up any longer, but he loved Christian. And he had to believe that they could be _good_ again one day. “Wanna sleep?” he asked quietly, squeezing Christian a little tighter.

Christian nodded and watched as Chad maneuvered around the bed to pull the covers down. He eased himself between the cool sheets - hell - he'd been sleeping on top of the bed since he arrived. As soon as Chad was settled, Christian slid an arm under his neck and pulled him in against his chest. He rested the bandaged arm across Chad's side, fingers brushing his boyfriend's back when he breathed out.

“Sleep as long as you need, I’ll be here,” Chad whispered and if he were honest, he could probably do with some sleep too. It wasn’t like he’d been a lot of rest for the last two months. Chad turned to press his lips to Christian’s shoulder, eyes clenching tightly shut. “Tell me you love me,” Chad breathed, slipping his leg over Christian’s.

"I love you," Christian murmured into his boyfriend's hair. He fell asleep quickly, the warmth of Chad's body soothing him like nothing else had for weeks.

When Christian awoke, the sun was streaming in through the crack in the drapes. His arm was trapped under the pillow and he winced when he pulled it out. A dark circle of blood had seeped through the bandage again but when he poked it, it felt dry to the touch.

Stretching his wrist an elbow out, Christian rolled into the warmth behind him and smiled. Chad was still dead asleep, lips parted and puffing out softly as he breathed out. Christian loved watching Chad sleep; there was always a rose glow on his cheeks, and all the emotion was gone. He looked relaxed and happy, peaceful.

Smile tugging at his lips Christian slid down in the bed until he could rub the end of his nose against Chad's. His boyfriend's nose wrinkled and he nestled further into the pillow. Christian tilted his head slightly and pressed his lips to Chad's.

Over the almost year they’d been together, Christian had woken Chad in a variety of ways. This way though, the soft kisses, was the absolute best. Chad tilted into the kiss, soft moan falling from him as Christian’s tongue slid gently across his. He pressed closer to Christian, wanting the man’s heat along every inch of his body. “Mm, hi,” he murmured into the kiss, half sliding across the man’s body.

"You feel good," Christian murmured against Chad's jaw. His body was sleep-hot and smooth, and the weight of him pressing Christian down against the mattress was good; like being tethered there for once. In all the time that they'd been together Christian had always loved Chad in the mornings. The man was sleep-pliant, his hair a tangled mess and Christian thought he was the most beautiful thing in the world.

“You’re telling me,” Chad whispered, head tilting back as his body moved against Christian. It felt like it had been _so_ long since Chad felt the heat of the man, the slick smooth of his skin and hard muscles beneath. Chad hadn’t forgotten how wonderful Christian’s body felt against his but the reminder was nice regardless. Moaning a little louder, Chad slid across Christian’s body, hands roaming almost greedily over the man’s skin.

Chad's body was on fire; Christian's fingers danced down his boyfriend's back to the curve of his ass. Chad felt the same under his hands, firm muscles, silky skin, the bump of a bone, and the curve of his ass. It was like coming home and Christian couldn't help burying his face in the blonde's hair as though he could just drown himself in that comfort.

“God I’ve missed you so much,” Chad gasped as Christian’s lips brushed over his skin. He felt like Christian’s lips on him were sparking, driving him out of his mind with pleasure even if they were barely touching his skin. His legs fell to either side of Christian’s hips as he turned his head, capturing Christian’s lips in a hard kiss. He kissed the man with all the fire and passion he’d been missing so much, shoving his tongue roughly forward, hands tangling up into Christian’s hair as his hips rolled forward.

It had always been easy to lose himself in Chad and that morning was no exception. Chad's kisses were desperate and rough, just the right side of _too_ hard and Christian felt like he could just disappear for a while. The tips of his fingers slid under Chad's boxers and he curled his hands under the man's ass to slide him forward slightly.

The touch of Christian’s fingers on his ass nearly burned and Chad moaned deep in his throat, breaking from the kiss and trailing his way along Christian’s jaw. His body moved eagerly over the man’s, teeth scraping over the man’s neck, sucking on his pulse point, sliding up to catch the man’s earlobe between his teeth and dragging out.

"Chad," Christian murmured. The sensations flooding his body were almost overwhelming. In comparison to everything he'd been through; the heat and touch from Chad was sending Christian's emotions spiraling out of control. Squeezing his eyes shut he moved his hands back up Chad's back; he could feel every subtle shift Chad made by the way his muscles rippled.

The bandage rasped across Chad's shoulders and Christian tightened his arms around the man's neck. Pain bit at his arm and Christian's moan was half-groan but he didn't care. He held Chad as tightly as he could; felt each suck of Chad's mouth on his neck and the way his tongue flicked over Christian's skin. When Chad's teeth nipped at his neck, Christian shuddered and loosed his hold. "Harder," he said softly.

“God,” Chad groaned and bit down on Christian’s collarbone, dragging the flesh out and rolling it slowly. His hips ground hard down against Christian’s body until he slid lower, biting his way down his lover’s chest. His teeth caught at one nipple, dragging out and twisting then releasing, sucking to soothe the ache of the bite. “Christian,” he breathed, heel of his hand rolling slowly up Christian’s side. “Can - can we...?” He pushed up to meet Christian’s eyes, knowing how strong the _want_ had to be on his face.

The look on Chad's face was a cross between hesitant and turned on - and Christian's lips curled into a slight smile. "Ya never asked before," he murmured. But his hips were already tilting up off the mattress, pressing the hardening bulge of his cock against Chad's ass.

“You never said no before,” Chad breathed, sliding back up until his lips could meet Christian’s once more. It made something flip in him, knowing he could still turn Christian on. He’d been maybe just a little worried about that. He rolled his ass down against Christian’s body, lifting after a moment to squirm quickly out of his boxers and hissing when his cock finally brushed against Christian’s. “Need you in me,” he gasped into the kiss, tongue flicking over Christian’s.

The shiver that ran down Christian's body sent goose flesh racing down his arms. Snatching at Chad's hair he pulled him back down quickly until their mouths were crushed together again. This time his tongue shoved forward to sweep through the sweet heat of Chad's mouth. Slick and wet, Chad sucked hard on Christian's tongue, they both moaned and Christian's nails scraped down Chad's back slowly.

Chad couldn’t stop moving against Christian’s body. The man still made him so dizzy, still drove him crazy, Chad couldn’t get enough. He let Christian take his mouth, taste every inch of him, and Chad could only moan and roll his hips down. He let his ass grind down with purpose over Christian’s cock, rolling along his body because he couldn’t get enough.

Hands trailing over Chad’s body, Christian moaned and grabbed a handful of Chad’s hair again pulling him back so he could meet his gaze. “Lube... I don’t have any,” he murmured. Frustrated, he groaned and leaned up to catch Chad’s bottom lip between his teeth.

“Always make me do all the hard work,” Chad grumbled but grinned down at Christian. In a flash he pushed back and clambered off the bed, hurrying across the room to grab his bag and shove a hand in, digging around until his fingers hit the bottle. He was back on the bed in a flash, crawling up Christian’s body and dipping down to trail kisses along the man’s thighs. “Missed your body.”

“Yeah?” Christian’s fingers tangled in Chad’s hair, urging him higher on his body. “I missed your mouth, kissing you,” he managed to get out. Chad’s touch was driving him slowly insane; the gentle brush of his lips followed by a sharp bite or the teasing graze of teeth.

“I missed your taste,” Chad murmured, smiling up at Christian before his tongue slid up, tracing up along the underside of Christian’s swollen shaft. He gathered the dollop of pre-come at the head and rolled it over his tongue, moaning softly. His nose slid down to bury in the curls along the base, inhaling sharply. “Missed your smell.”

" _Jesus_ , Chad -" Christian's voice ended in a low moan that rumbled up from deep inside his chest. Parting his legs slightly, Christian couldn't help the way his back arched and he chased the sensation of Chad's lips. It was too much and too little and Christian's mind was spinning.

“Kept having these dreams about you,” Chad whispered and sprinkled kisses over every inch of Christian’s hips, across the curve of bone, the dip of skin. He sucked the head of Christian’s cock into his mouth, rolling fingers over his balls, drinking in and savoring the way Christian’s body moved up into him. Chad loved feeling Christian react to him, it made him feel powerful. He pulled off Christian’s burning skin, panting over the flesh. “God, if you’d seen my dreams, you’d think you were starring in porn.”

"I... Chad, stop. _God_." It had been entirely too long since Christian had felt _good_ , let alone like this. Panting, he shifted non-stop under Chad's mouth then reached down with his good arm to tug on Chad's hair. "Please," he said softly.

Blowing out a low breath, Chad crawled back up Christian’s body, staring down into his eyes. His lips twitched in a soft smile and he shrugged. “Sorry, got carried away. I just... really want to make you feel good. And maybe I was thinking about those dreams a little too much.” Chad certainly had had a few raunchy ones, _very_ raunchy.

Christian's fingers managed to catch Chad's hips; his thumbs dug in hard and he gazed up at his lover. "I need you _now_ ," Christian whispered. His breath hitched and he gripped Chad's body so hard he was sure it had to be hurting him. "Please, Chad."

Biting down hard on his lip Chad nodded and grabbed the bottle and flicked the cap open, slicking his fingers and curling them over his lover. The man was so hot and burning Chad nearly moaned at the touch alone and he couldn’t _wait_ for his boyfriend to be buried in him once more. “Want me to ride you?” he asked, voice tight and eyes fixed on his lover’s flushed face.

A frown flitted across Christian's face as the pleasure was entirely _too_ intense and he could feel the coil of desire tighten around his spine. His entire body arched up off the mattress, hands dragging down Chad's thighs.

"Yes, _God_ , I can't even -" He'd done nothing but think about Chad for days, think about his body, the way his lips quirked into the sweet smile in the morning, the scent of him, the smooth yet possessive touch of his hands.

The desire for Christian was thick pulsing through him - _too thick_ \- and Chad couldn’t stand the wait. Which was probably why he simply lined Christian up and slid down onto him in one swift movement. It burned, dizzying pain flaring up through him but it was so _full_ and Chad had always liked pain. He collapsed onto Christian’s chest, panting into his neck, shoulders shaking from the sudden intensity.

"Oh god," Christian rasped. His arms wrapped quickly around Chad's shoulders, fingers soothing and pressing against his back. A shudder ran down the length of his body and he could feel a tremble of pleasure working its way along Chad's limbs. It was so familiar, so hot: the tight clench of Chad's body around his cock - that Christian could barely breathe.

Gasping against Chad's hair, Christian shook. Desire wound through him so quickly it was dizzying and he closed his eyes tightly against the feeling of just floating away from his body.

“Been a while,” Chad whispered, lips parted against Christian’s neck. “Didn’t - finger myself, at all.” They’d never got around to Chad doing it on the phone while they spoke, except maybe once, and he’d never really felt so _full_. “Oh fuck Christian,” Chad moaned and shifted his body, pulling slowly off his lover and sinking back down.

Christian let his hands move up Chad's sides, across his shoulders and around his lover's throat. There was no way he could stop touching his lover, stop _feeling_ every inch of him, every burning sensation. His muscles clenched tight as Chad slide up off his cock again and a pleading moan slipped from Christian's lips.

Arching forward, his mouth found Chad's neck and bit down hard. When Chad only moaned and clenched around Christian's aching cock, their hips rocked together _hard_. "Fuck," hissed Christian. His mouth moved over Chad's neck, slow and wet, sucking and licking as he thrust up slowly.

The slide up of Christian’s hips was almost tortuously slow and Chad wasn’t sure he could handle it. It was dizzying pleasure, spinning his body out of control, sending his blood boiling. He pushed up, sitting on Christian’s hips and tilting his head back. He pressed his knees down into the bed and lifted himself up off his lover and sinking back down. Christian’s hips snapped up into him and Chad gasped, spine arching as he dropped down onto his lover.

Sweat was trickling down his spine, thighs quivering, and Chad clenched hard around Christian. He sucked in greedy deep breaths with each movement, entire body shaking as he moved up and almost off, sinking hard back down. “Christian, god,” Chad gasped and blinked his eyes open, staring up at the ceiling as he moved.

Christian's good hand curled over Chad's hip; he loved the way the just of bone pressed into the palm of his hand. The curve of Chad's body was a perfect arch and Christian's palm slid along his lover's sweat damp flesh. "You're perfect," Christian murmured.

When Chad's head dropped so he could gaze down at Christian, his hair fell forward and Christian's breath hitched. Reaching up he smoothed the errant strands back off Chad's cheeks and gasped at the dark pleasure written so clearly on the man's face.

“You’re biased,” Chad managed to whisper, his voice tight with the thick arousal pumping through him. “Feels so good, havin’ you in me.” He collapsed down on Christian’s chest once more, crashing their lips together and coaxing the man’s tongue into his mouth. He sucked greedily on the muscle, hips rocking down to meet each of Christian’s thrusts up.

Their angle switched as Chad rolled his hips, bringing the head of Christian’s cock right up against his prostate with each thrust. Chad moaned into the kiss, clenching tight around his lover and lifting up so the man could repeatedly thrust into that spot. Chad was going to lose his mind, and he couldn’t imagine a better way for it to happen.

Christian's lungs were hardly able to move air. Clinging to Chad, he moaned against his lover's mouth, catching it once more in a deep kiss. Each time Chad's tight heat clenched around his cock, Christian's grip on Chad tightened - their bodies writhed against each other's, close, tight, and hot.

With a final hard jolt of his hips, Christian sank balls deep in his lover. Heart pounding he almost curled up around Chad's body as his orgasm ripped through him. Shaking, he clawed at Chad's back, wanting him ever-closer.

Chad hardly remembered coming. His body shook, his eyes clenched shut as his lips slid sloppy wet over his lovers. When he finally pulled back to gasp in a breath his heart was starting to slow and his body felt loose and spent. “Still so perfect,” he murmured into Christian’s lips and let their noses brush together, smile growing on his lips. “God, I love you.”

Christian held his lover as both their bodies twitched and trembled through their pleasure. Hands moving over Chad's back, his hair, Christian nuzzled against his lover's ear. "You're the only good thing in my life. You're what I need," he said softly. As he spoke, his lips ran down the length of Chad's ears then kissed the velvet soft lobe softly.

“Then I’m not going anywhere,” Chad murmured and settled against Christian’s chest. “Nother nap before we go get food? Or have food brought up?”

“Yeah, maybe leavin’ the room would be good, later.” Christian tightened the circle of his arms in case Chad had any illusions of moving.

“Hmm, we’ll see.” Chad laughed softly and nuzzled into Christian’s neck. “We could just send Steve a text and let him know we’re alive.” As far as Chad was concerned, they didn’t need to leave the room any time soon.

“Just because it’s Vegas doesn’t mean you _have_ to drink.” Chad pushed the hotel door open, heading across the room until he could stare out the window at the Vegas strip off in the distance. This was supposed to be a good night, watching Christian perform again. Then his boyfriend had come out onto stage with an already open bottle of Jack Daniels, draining nearly half the bottle during the performance. By the time Chad got in back the bottle was almost empty and Chad was having a hard time not seeing red. “How are you even fucking _standing_ , Christian?” he asked without turning back to the man.

“Practice.” Christian headed over to the table and tossed the key card down. “Look. What happened to you sayin’ you’d support me no matter what? Takin’ care of me, and all that shit that you said?” Walking up behind Chad, Christian leaned in. “Don’t be such a tight ass. You said this was okay - that you _understood_.”

“And you said it was easier not to drink when I’m here. Which led me to believe you _wouldn’t_ be drinking.” Chad stepped away from Christian, turning to him with a frown. “What happened to the scared, shaking man I found when I came here? ‘Cause back then I was pretty damn sure you _wanted_ to stop drinking.”

Turning to stare out the window Christian rolled his shoulders. “I knew you’d throw that back in my face. I was _messed_ up, Chad. It happens. Do you see me actin’ the same way now? No. I’ve got it under control.” Huffing out a breath Christian spun and headed over to the bed and sank down, tugging his boots off.

“Do you really? Do you ever really have anything in control?” Chad stared at Christian in disbelief. It was like a completely different Christian, one that had no real interest in the life he was trying to create with Chad. “I thought you wanted to be better than this, I thought you wanted to stop drinking. You know you can enjoy music without alcohol, there was no need to drink tonight.”

Christian threw his boot at the wall. "Fuck! I _do_ , Chad. It's not as easy as you think. Have you ever had a problem like this?" His eyes widened as he looked up at Chad. "No. You _fucking_ haven't. You don't have the first fuckin' clue what it's like for me. I can't just quit - you _saw_ what I looked like when you got here - thank you _very_ much throwin' that in my face. That's _not_ me and I have a tour to finish." Shaking his head, Christian pushed up off the bed.

“So why did you need to drink tonight? You went two fucking days without it Christian! You were just _fine_. And I was here, I was right there. You said I help you.” Chad felt the pinch of guilt but he refused to acknowledge it right now. He was _hurt_ and Christian was drunk and this wasn’t the way things were supposed to go. “One night on stage sober, would it really have killed you?”

“And is it killing you to live up to what you said? Where did all that support go? I can’t go on stage and be some other person without it. You can talk a blue streak about how easy it is, but you don’t know.” Turning quickly, Christian stabbed his finger hard against Chad’s shoulder. “You. Do not know. What it’s like. You have _never_ had problems like this. People love you, you just - you fuckin’ - you have friends and confidence and you don’t have to do your job in front of a bunch of people who would kick the _shit_ out of you if they found out you were fuckin’ a guy.”

Chad stepped back, rubbing along his chest and clenching his jaw as his nostrils flared. “Don’t you fucking _dare_ suggest I don’t support you. That is all I’ve _ever_ done Christian. I flew out here the minute I learned what happened to you. I’ve forgiven you left and right. I have done absolutely _everything_ for you. Maybe I don’t get what you’re dealing with but I’ve had problems and if you really _know_ me you’d know I have no confidence at all. Why the fuck else would I get jealous of anyone who gets close to you? Why else would I tell you to tell me you want me, and love me? I have held our relationship up for months, Christian, and all because I love you.”

“ _Held_ it up? Is that what you think?” Christian shoved his hair back off his face and walked over to the mini-bar. Practically pulling the door off its hinges he snatched out a beer and flipped the top off. “I didn’t realize it was taking so much effort for you to be with me, Chad.”

Anger burned hot through Chad and before he could rethink his actions he paced across the room, slapping the beer out of Christian’s hand and watching it crash to the ground where it instantly foamed over the carpet. “Yes, held it up Christian. Because at every turn you’re telling me you’re not worth it, you’re trying to break up with me, telling me to date other people. I fight for you because I fucking love you _and_ support you, no matter what you seem to think.”

Christian stared at the beer that was slowly disappearing into the carpet. "You've got a weird way of showin' it. I don't get you. You talk all big about support and then you pull this?" Christian shook his head and leveled his gaze on Chad. "This isn't love - you're ... this is...it's like you're trying to control me. You made me stop seeing my friends and now you want me to give up music. I can't fucking do this without... _Jesus_." Christian shoved past Chad, just needing to be away from him for a few moments.

Not for the first time, the anger melted out of Chad, replaced almost instantly with a fist curling hard around his heart. Christian was giving voice to one of Chad’s deepest fears, _trying to control me_. Stumbling back, Chad sucked in a sharp gasp, rubbing now at his shoulder where Christian had shoved into him. “Control you?” he whispered, pulling his glasses off before they could get wet from tears. “I would never make you give up your music. I wasn’t aware that alcohol and your music went hand in hand.” Chad couldn’t wrap his mind around Christian’s words.

“How can you _not_ know that? I’ve told you that - you see it. You’re so busy tryin’ to fix me, Chad, that you don’t see what’s right underneath your nose. You can’t make me into the person you really wanted - that’s what this is about... I’m not some _perfect_ fucking saint like Jared or, or...that Michael. I’m just some idiot who doesn’t know how to get on stage with his guitar without a whisky in my belly.” Christian’s heart was racing when he looked over at Chad.

“Aww yeah. And then you turn the tears on just like _fuckin’_ clockwork. Something doesn’t go your way and you cry and get all _woe-is-me_ ‘cause you’re life is so terrible.” Christian scowled and looked away, not able to stand the look of shock on Chad’s face.

The pain at the words that radiated down Chad’s chest was almost enough to bring him to his knees. He’d _never_ heard Christian speak to him like that, never heard words that literally felt like a physical punch. “Fuck you,” Chad spat though it came out more like a sob. “I can’t - god when the hell did you become such a fucking _asshole_.”

Chad shook his head roughly and turned, heading for his bag on the far wall. He didn’t think he’d ever reach the point when it was _too much_ but the idea of staying in the room now was making him ill. Hell, even _looking_ at Christian made him a little queasy. He snatched his bag up from the floor, tugging the zipper hard to close it.

"Oh, so now you're leaving? Great. Just fuckin' great. Go then. That's the perfect way to show that _support_ you keep talkin' about. Steve may have changed his mind about you but he was right the first time." Christian sank back down on the bed, letting his hair fall forward to cover the pain on his face.

Chad slapped a hand over his mouth but it didn’t do much to muffle the sob. He desperately tried to tell himself that Christian was drunk, that he didn’t know what he was saying, but there was only the slightest slur to his words and Chad couldn’t help but think that this was how Christian _really_ felt. “Wow, so I must really have made you hate your life huh? Controlling you? The pussy little boyfriend who’s done nothing but keep you from the things you loved and never supported you.” Chad turned back to Christian, not caring how upset he looked. “Well here you go Christian, no one’s holding you back. Enjoy your fucking music career. At least now you won’t have to worry about hiding the fact that you’re fucking a guy.”

If Christian had anything more to say Chad didn’t wait to hear it. He spun and left the room as fast as he could, sliding against the wall to keep from collapsing. The real kicker, he supposed, was what he did next.

Forcing himself forward Chad stopped in front of Steve’s room and rubbed at his eyes a few times before knocking on the door, hoping the man was up in his room.

The door open and Steve rubbed his hand across his bare chest as he blinked in the bright light of the hallway. "Chad, _Jesus_ , you okay?"

“No, not really.” Chad laughed humorlessly, rubbing at his eyes once more and looking down at the carpet. “Look I, I gotta go. Christian just - anyway. Sure you saw how much he drank tonight and I just, I’m worried. If you could, just keep an eye on him? Please? Think he might over do it tonight, seeing as I’m pretty sure we just broke up. So, yeah.” Chad shrugged, giving Steve a half smile and stepping back.

"Broke - Chad? What the fuck is going on?" Steve pulled the door open wider and rubbed at his eyes. "He drinks when he - you _knew_ this. It's just a fight. Come on in and calm down, talk to me for a bit. You know that shit; he's gonna cool off in ten minutes and feel like an asshole."

“I don’t think - I’m not much in the mood for talking right now.” Chad wiped his nose on his sleeve and leaned against the door frame, a little concerned he might pass out. “I’m really not sure it’s gonna happen that way this time Steve. He told me I’m controlling his life, trying to take away his music, and that apparently even though you’ve changed your mind you were right about me in the first place. Oh and I guess me crying really annoys him, so...” Chad shrugged again, rubbing along the back of his neck. Chad felt like someone had ripped his heart out and knowing it was _Christian_ who’d made him feel this way made it ten times worse.

Steve reached out and squeezed the top of Chad's shoulder. "God, I shouldn't have called you - I know when he gets like this...it's. Listen, you wanna stay in here? Maybe you and he can talk in the morning, if he remembers." Steve shook his head sadly and then looked up to smile slightly at Chad.

“He needs... well. I guess I’m not really the one to say what he needs.” Chad sighed and pushed off the door frame, looking down the hall then back at Steve. “Just keep an eye on him okay? I know you have been, clearly you were doing a better job than me. I’ve just gotta think about things. You have my number, if he wants to call, tomorrow or... if he doesn’t remember, I don’t know. I just gotta get out of here. Sorry, hope I didn’t interrupt your night.” Chad glanced over at Christian’s door, already tempted to go back there and check on him.

"Okay," Steve said quietly. He leaned back against the door frame and watched until the elevator door closed behind Chad and then a broad smile crept across his cheeks.

Pulling his door closed behind him, Steve padded down the hallway and knocked on Christian's door. Without waiting for an answer he pushed it open and peered inside. "Hey, Chris? You okay? I just saw Chad leavin' and he wouldn't even talk to me." Smiling, Steve closed the door.


End file.
